Brother Phil

 "The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy." [Psalm 126:3]

I remember the day I woke up and told my mom I needed a little brother. I was about twelve when I realized that one more girl wasn't going to fix anything. I needed a baby brother. I remember her explaining to me in no uncertain terms, that my request was an impossible one. For roughly one hundred different reasons, there would be no baby brother. Naturally, I decided to do what all children do when their mom says 'no' - I went over her head, and asked God instead.

So, I started praying for a little brother.

He didn't appear, didn't arrive, didn't turn up.

I insisted that God give me a baby brother.

No brother, and no brother and still no brother.

I reasoned with the Almighty, because I will argue with anyone, that I needed a little brother. 

He never arrived and eventually I gave up.

Time passed, things changed and last March my mom started dating,which was weird all on its own. But more importantly, she met Scott. I'll spare us both the details, but they fell in love, he got her a ring, now me and my sisters are wearing identical dresses. So it's like Easter of 2002 all over again.

If I'm being honest - and I'm being very honest today - this was bittersweet for me.

Not because we don't love Scott, because we do.
Not because he's trying to replace my dad, because he isn't.
Not because I wanted my mom to be alone forever, because I never wanted that either.

All those years ago, I wanted a baby brother, because I thought that would make my dad come home, that a little brother would keep my parents from getting a divorce. I begged and reasoned and rationalized because I thought I knew what we needed, I thought I knew how to fix it, and I was so frustrated that God wasn't listening to me. I believed all along that He could do it, He could give me a baby brother and bandage my broken family in the process. But the way I saw things, He just wouldn't.

My dad moved to New Mexico and never moved back in. My parents got divorced, and I quit praying for the little brother I was never going to get.

Mom is getting married today, to a man who deserves her, if anyone really can. I'm wearing this blue dress and probably crying, because I'm happy for them and Collins girls cry about everything. I have seen my mom struggle to do what's right, to stay strong in her faith, and still manage to raise three daughters all on her own. I think she's amazing and deserves to be loved by someone who is goofy, thoughtful and good.

But this really isn't a blog post about what it was like to watch my world be split apart, how we rebuilt our family, or painted the bathroom red. I am not the mouthpiece for this family, I can't tell you how anyone else is feeling today. I'm saying that today is special to me because God answered my prayers.

Today I got my little brother.

I didn't tell anyone, for a very long time why I wanted a brother. It was one of those secrets that you keep in your soul. But I wanted you to know, to understand with me how precious this brother of mine is. Our God is faithful, and in the midst of this big change for my family I have peace. He gave me the brother I thought I needed on the same day that He gave my mom what she needed too.

God knew better than to answer my demands for a quick fix and instead He provided in a way that I could've never seen. He turned heartache into healing, and answered my childish prayer along the way.

I don't know what you've asked for, way down in your soul that you don't tell people about, but I know Someone who does. My encouragement to you is that we have a Good Father, and He will give you the desire of your heart. Just not always the moment you ask for it, or even the way you think it should arrive.

Congratulations Mom and Scott!

Welcome to the family, Phil, I've been waiting on you for a while now.