I feel like I'm supposed to know what I want out of life.
I feel pressure to be doing epic, bold, and equally responsible things while simultaneously writing a novel and winning my first Nobel Peace Prize.
When most of the time I'm struggling to decide what to eat for breakfast.
I mean seriously, it's like everywhere I go people want to know when I'm having kids and then they want to know how many kids, and then it gets into this weird-judgey-cycle where they tell me how wrong I am for wanting 23 kids (kidding).
And if I'm not popping out babies, I must sprint to the opposite end of the spectrum and be on some kind of amazing, incredible career path with all of my ducks in row, ready to end world hunger in the next few years.
Guys.
Some mornings I don't even put on eyeliner because I'm pretty sure I'll do it wrong. I can't decide whether or not to cut two inches off my hair, and I'm just now realizing that Pumpkin Spiced Lattes are not calorie free.
The thought of being a mother terrifies me most of the time because there are days that I want ice cream NOW and I refuse to shower -- I can't be responsible for a tiny human being.
I'm 23 and I [still] have no idea what I want to do with my life.
I just know I can't do it with a Bachelor's Degree in Psychology.
I want to wear #flannelonflannel but I have a job that requires khakis.
And I'm saying all this because here's what I'm learning: I am enough.
Right now, in this very moment, with my chipped fingernail polish and my temporary desk job - I am enough.
In all honesty, I like eating Coco Puffs and staying up late to play nerdy board games.
I don't have any idea what to go to grad school for and I don't want a new car.
I like my crappy furniture and the freedom I have to make Garrett cook his own dinner.
I'm even getting better at liking what size jeans I wear.
The point is that I know you are out there reading this and you're not engaged, and no one is hiring you and you are not finding the cure for cancer and everyone wants to know when you're getting a "real" job, or finally settling down, or having kids.
But you need to listen to me: you are enough. So long as you are doing things that are right and good and kind -- you are still enough.
I have these days where I just sit and freak out; one question about my future leads to another and another which leads to a tailspin of donut eating.
The truth is: I am not pregnant with twins, I don't have a PhD in Psychology and I don't know what I'm going to do when my poor Camry finally quits.
Someday I'm going to publish a book and have a dozen children and maybe even get my Masters... but that is not today folks.
Today I'm going to eat spaghetti in my rental house. Because I can.
