Deep breath. Stick with me.
A few weeks ago, something really cool happened. I heard this same guy had recently dumped someone else. For whatever reason, I decided I would call that girl.
It's weird, I know. But it felt like something I needed to do.
It was the coolest seven minute conversation I've ever had, and I spent all of it telling her the things I wish someone had told me when I got dumped.
I also realized, it's probably time to take my own advice.
And because we are tight [you and me, here on the internet] I think you need to hear it too.
If you hate it, just ignore it. Otherwise, listen up.
This is not a roast. Even though that could be fun, in a mean-girl-Emily-minus-Jesus-kind-of-way. I'm not roasting this guy.
I will tell you that I don't think about him often, but when I do, only a few words come to mind. It's something he pointed out to me while we were dating, that has been stuck in my head long afterwards:
"You have no personality."
If you didn't chuckle, please feel free to chuckle. Because it's funny. It's a stupid comment, that is so very, very false, for about a million reasons.
Psychology taught me that people are born with personality, that genetics give us personality traits that are evident within the first year of life. Nature and Nurture come together to develop the good, the bad and the ugly within us. A person would have to be nonexistent, to have never ever existed, in order to have no personality.
I know this.
My brain knows this.
I have a piece of paper from Purdue University that says I know this.
But for some reason, I've carried those words around in my head for way too long.
I have allowed them to rent space in my thoughts, in my doubts, to creep out when I was about to go into a job interview, on my first date with Garrett, even when I thought about starting a blog.
Those words someone else had spoken over me, "You have no personality" had me wondering if other people would think the same thing. Would I fall flat? Would I ever be able to communicate what I think and feel? Do people understand what I'm passionate about, what I love, what I hate? Because according to this lie I've let hang out in my heart, I have no personality.
I called that girl because a part of me knew that she too was in the midst of holding onto something she shouldn't.
And I wanted to tell her one thing before it was too late: No one else decides who you are. Not boyfriends, not bosses, not parents, professors, grades.
None of them.
Maybe I'm just a little nuttier than the rest of you, but I doubt it. So that phrase that's popped into your head while you were reading this - let's get rid of it.
A fantastic way to stop negative self-talk and the cycle of negative thoughts is to memorize a Counter Truth. A Counter Truth is exactly what is sounds like; you need to contradict that negativity with something positive, until you believe it. It needs to be specific and ruthless.
Get serious with your brain. It's yours. You need to take every thought captive. Because if you can cut out gluten and sugar and dairy and post all over my newsfeed about it - then you can do this too.
That thing he said about you, it is not who you are.
Even if it's true. Because maybe what they labeled you with, came from some grain of truth.
Same principle stands.
No one else gets to be the end-all be-all of who you are.
If you're breathing, you've got time to change. You decide who you are, not Joe Smoe. And not the jerk who dumped you.
There is One who made you, who created the DNA that dictates that personality of yours. He knows you. He defines you. You are Beloved, that is your name.
Today, I can laugh at what this person said about me. I am ridiculously fiesty, adorable and hilarious. I'm stinkin' delightful. You would have to be blind, deaf and dead to miss my personality.
But honestly? I can tell you that for weeks afterwards I was scrambling to find my personality, because he'd told me I didn't have one. And I don't want that for you.
Scariest thing ever: my baby sister, Lou, is on the dating scene. Yikes. And she's on my mind as I write this. I don't want her to hold onto to this nonsense that might be spoken over her. I don't want that for our youth kids, my mom, or for you. But I can't get in your brain and sort out the ugly stuff. That's up to you.
So go forth and kick butt, friends. It's even more important than being gluten-free.
*P.S. I'm not a licensed Psychologist, so do not replace valuable mental health treatment from a professional with my goofy blog post.
With Love,
Emily LeVault
