Wednesday, August 31, 2016

This is The Last Blog Post


Let me begin by saying, I've been holding out on you for awhile now. Basically - the entire time you've been reading this blog.

It started out as a way for me to update our parents without actually having to call them. There's something about hearing your mom's voice over the phone from 326 miles away that just makes the homesickness worse. So I started avoiding their phone calls and writing this blog.

Over the last two years I've tried to show you pieces and snapshots of our life as brand new married people in ministry - and I like to think I've succeeded in entertaining you a least a little bit, right ...? (Nod and smile)

But from the beginning, there've been things I haven't said for fear of ... well, fear.

Every once in a while I've let you see a measured amount of hurt, struggle and sassiness, but the further I go into this life as a youth minister's wife - the more hard things I have to say, the more desperate I am to speak plainly instead of dance around the truth.

So I'm quitting.

It's weird how sometimes I feel like I'm the last person on earth to really see my sisters. I've been looking at them their entire lives, I have memorized their faces, their voices and the most embarrassing stories of their childhood. Of all the people to have existed, surely these two creatures I know.

Lately I'm realizing how hard it is to really see your sister when she grows up - I mean really take in the full picture of who she is as a human being. You can know someone's past like the back of your hand, but still struggle to notice when that person changes. It's like you look at them so often, you know them like you know yourself so much so that you stop looking. You take for granted that they will change or grow, and you hold this image of them in your mind of a tiny girl in giant glasses, the one you have to protect.

This week those images have been wrecked as both Hannah and Olivia have stunned me with the incredible human beings they are; so full of love and passion and drive and strength and the desire to sacrifice for the ones they want to protect. Don't misunderstand - I knew they were fantastic. Not just anyone can cut it as a Collins Girl (#dontbesuchacollinsgirl). But for the first time in a while I could see them as a full image - the people they've become against the past I've watched them come from. And it baffled me. It made me cry of course, and it made me decide to do something scary.

Hannah is the one who told me to quit this blog.

You heard it - my baby sister, the one I've spent so much time bossing around, told me to man up and do something hard. She told me to start saying the things I'm afraid to say. So this is me starting that today.

There's so much more to this life than I've led you to believe, I'm sure you've guessed that. But starting now, I'm going to tell you about it. Brace yourselves.

Besides the realization that my little sisters are high functioning, beautiful, fierce she-beasts - I now have a better picture of where we go from here. I have sisters I can lean on, strong, wise and compassionate. And we get to chest bump for the rest of our lives. Both in person and over text.

The new blog launches TODAY!!!

Now that you're done reading this one, head over to burntspaghetti.com and check it out.

Thank you for reading this blog, it's been a lifeline through all these transitions, and so have you.

With Love,

Emily LeVault