I am so stinkin' tired.
I am tired of checking Facebook. I am tired of trying to stay trendy. I am tired of how much good food I let go to waste, how many pairs of shoes I own, and how many paper towels I use on the daily. I am tired of having the impulse to get the biggest, sweetest, most caffeinated thing at the coffee shop. I'm tired of patting myself on the back for reading my Jesus Calling devotional every morning. I'm tired of this ridiculous belief that I need more stuff.
It's exhausting. Seriously. And it's weighing on me.
This blog post was supposed to be about something else entirely. But then I finally sat down and read this book 7 by Jen Hatmaker - and I have to do something. And I wanted to invite you to join me or at least watch me struggle.
If you haven't heard of it, 7 is written by this crazy woman who speaks my language and it is a seven month lifestyle experiment. Essentially, it's a crusade against excess covering seven different areas:
Month 1: Food
Month 2: Clothes
Month 3: Possessions
Month 4: Media
Month 5: Waste
Month 6: Spending
Month 7: Stress
Some of you are slowly backing away from the computer. I can feel it. I kind of am too. It's uncomfortable. I don't want to sort through these things. I like them the way they are because it's comfortable.
But there's something in my soul that wants more.
Not more, in a trenta-cinnamon-dolce-latte kind of way.
More in a what-does-Jesus-want-from-me kind of way.
And yes, my immediate excuse was "I know what Jesus wants, and I am doing my best!"
But honestly? I'm tired of that excuse, too. I'm not doing my best. I'm punching my card as a positive, prayerful person and then doing what I want with the rest of my life. I'm tired of it. I want more. I want to know what Jesus has for me on the other side of excess. I want him to break my heart, and show me what He cares about. And I think some of that is going to come through this experiment.
I know some of you are currently pulling your bag of tortilla chips closer and closer to your chest. I see you, and my heart cries out for you. These are my chips, my fridge full of food, my closet full of clothes - I do not want to give any of my comforts up.
But why?
Why can't I let go?
That's why I'm writing this blog. Because I read this book in under two hours, sobbing my way through this woman's story of sacrifice and change - and then I said in my heart "But I couldn't do that."
Because...
- My friends and I like to go out to eat
- I love clothes, and Pinterest, and Zulily
- I just got a full time job and I want to enjoy that beautiful new paycheck to the fullest
- We just moved into a house, I finally have enough room for my stuff
- I hate recycling
- And I love social media
- I don't even want to talk about dealing with my time management skills
No thank you.
As soon as that thought came to me, "I couldn't do that", I felt so ridiculous and then I quickly felt ashamed.
Why? Why, Emily?
Because I secretly believe I deserve the things that I have, and I should get to enjoy them without thinking about the kids that are hungry down the street and I shouldn't be guilted into sharing my wealth by some hippie Christian experiment.
But if I am being as truthful as I can be... I'm so tired of the excess, of the utter gluttony I see in my life. And I want something more.
So here I go, dear people of the internet. I am starting this experiment March 1st, 2016. Expect updates. You will be updated.
If you want to join me in my quest, if you want to watch me suffer, or you just can't look away from my strangeness here's the 7 blog that I'll update more frequently as I journey.
This blog post was supposed to be about my friend Mo, and how she handles life like a champ. I could go on for hours about that fact, instead I will just tell you this:
I called Morgan in the middle of chapter three, crying over how much I spent on an Easter dress this year and asking her to walk with me through the next 7 months of crazy. This is utterly the smallest thing I have ever asked her to walk with me through, and she has never balked. Also roughly the 1,000th time I have called her in tears - she has yet to hang up.
If it sounds like I've lost my mind, I count it a good thing; but feel free to call Garrett to make sure I'm not left alone for too long.
I hope this blog bothers the crap out of you. In the friendliest way possible.
With love,
Emily LeVault
