I'm being serious.
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Since about Sunday at 8:00 am to right this second, things have been going wonky.
We fought the good fight over the Church Budget.
I started school, I dropped about five classes and scrambled to rearrange and find five more in the final hours of registration. I hate my classes.
All of the people in my major have been friends for four years and I know absolutely no one.
I'm in 2nd year 2nd semester Spanish.
That is a place I do not belong.
Remember that feeling you used to get when it was Mile Day in P.E. class in third grade, when you were mentally willing yourself to throw up or fall down the stairs so you didn't have to run? That's how Spanish class makes me feel.
My work schedule has been crazy, with more bathroom mishaps than I have been witness to in the last four months combined. I had to explain to my boss that I would not be showing up for my shift because my classes got rearranged, I locked my wallet in Child Watch when I closed on Tuesday.
I ate rotten lettuce, I've caught myself staring at other people's cups of coffee, Jimmy Johns does NOT deliver to my address, I got to Wal-Mart and realized I had no purse and no wallet, we got a notice from the landlord, I wasn't in Springfield for my Grandpa's surgery, Daniel would quite frankly be ashamed of the way I'm eating and my battery was dead this morning.
I've had the kind of week that makes you want to crawl back into bed until it passes-- except, yesterday my dog peed on my bed.... so there goes that plan.
I've missed my first class this morning, only to discover homework that I didn't do, online forums I have no idea how to access and another 11 hours before I can go home. I'm starting to consider moving into the bathtub... Luke hates the bathtub.
All the while under all of these tiny things there's this big answer Garrett and I are waiting for. Obviously I'm doing a bang-up job of waiting well.
How does one wait well? I wouldn't know, ask my husband.
I was going to post at the end of the week but I'm so scared that if I wait any longer more things will go wrong.
I think I might have brought this all on myself by informing you all that we are confident and content to wait for God's answers. He decided to test how true that actually was.
Here's the truth: everyday this week, multiple times a day, a cry of impatience and frustration comes out of my heart. I want to know now. If I just had the answers, everything else would be easier. But still no answer.
I've made a few New Year's resolutions because I'm weak and so very mainstream: lose weight, go to the gym, read my Bible-- the usual things. But that means that on all of these bad days I've been able to cling to God's Word; I am holding onto His promises. He has overcome the world, he cares for my anxiety, and because of Jesus he hears me when I pray sad, impatient prayers.
I have to tell you the good parts of this week too; I've been doing my best to see them.
I got into all of the classes I needed and Lord willing I am going to graduate this summer. Holy Cow. What an unexpected gift. I thought it would be at least another two years. But at the last minute my advisor called to let me know I was 2 credits short, and I was able to get into a class that was already full in order to get those credits. Whoa.
I got to talk to my sister for 45 minutes this week. It's been a long time.
The people I work with rock.
My awesome husband left work to switch me cars this morning.
I had a cup of coffee today.
This week is almost over.
I'm being honest with you because I am still confident God is going to answer us. If I keep it together and never let you in on my junk, you and I will both miss out on what God is doing and what he is going to do.
So here it is-- this is my life status today.
I'm about to be late to class.
I'm counting down the hours until Saturday.
But I am content to wait-- uncomfortable and unsettled-- still confident in God's plan for us.
With Love,
Emily LeVault
