First is the Worst. [happy anniversary]

WARNING: this is about to be a sappy anniversary blog post. So if you're feeling angry and single come back another day. Otherwise, I'm going to try and sum up my first year of marriage in 1,000 words or less. 

First of all, I didn't sign up for this. 

When I got married I was under the impression that I was simply agreeing to combine life goals and bank accounts and maybe have a few bad days and some kids and a dog. 

That's not how it works. 

Second, can we please stop telling newlyweds that this is the "best year of marriage" - please?! 

Because that's not how it works either. 

It just makes me want to poke you in the eyes. Both eyes. 

A year ago today I married my best friend, and I said some really cute vows and I wore a pretty dress and I danced a lot. And I started out thinking I knew what I was getting into - and quickly discovered that I was absolutely clueless. 

I had no idea that I would be so miserable when we first moved away. 

I had no idea that Garrett actually expected to eat a real meal every single day- including weekends. 

I had no clue how to begin scheduling (juggling) bills, insurance and more bills. 

I had no idea that I was so incredibly bad at sharing, but I really am. I even have trouble sharing my toothbrush. 

I hadn't planned on having to actually work at marriage, because dating wasn't all that complicated. 

I had no idea how gross my husband is. He poops, people. And it smells. Also he doesn't clean off the sink when he shaves. 

I did not think that the human being I loved the most could make me so frustrated I would cry. He didn't know he could do that either. 

I thought we agreed on more things than we actually do, like whether or not paintball is a real sport, how awesome white comforters are or how many kids we're having (I swear he agreed to 10 while we were dating). 

Most shocking to me in my first year of marriage is that things do not always go as planned. 

I thought we were working towards mutual goals and sharing a bathroom. 

When I stood up there and I signed on for this marriage, things like broken appliances, emergency room visits, tight budgets, family Christmas and jobs that don't work out were not on my mind. Nowhere near my radar. 

I didn't expect it to be so hard to keep Christ at the center of my marriage but things like health care and Hulu Plus kept getting in the way. 

And sometimes I have to fight this utter selfishness I have over things like my time and my money and what temperature we keep the house at.

It's ridiculous. Because I stood up in church and promised to be faithful through all of these things for the rest of my life. And after one year I'm like- this is hard!!!

But I also thought I knew everything there was to know about Garrett LeVault. I did not, I'm sure I still don't. 

In my vows I explained that I had no idea how much Jesus loves me until Garrett loved me, but truthfully I still had no clue. 

This man has loved me through some ugly, scary, hard things this year.

Through homesickness and a second Freshman year in college, through fear and failure.

Through 2 moves and a lot of road trips. 

I have single handedly destroyed most of our wedding gifts, and he still lets me use the stove. 

I didn't think anyone could be funnier than me- but I've laughed more than I've cried this year. If he meant to make me laugh is a different matter. 

I thought that we loved each other at maximum capacity the day we got married but I had no clue. I love him more today than I did a year ago. 

I also didn't expect how precious it is to share a life with someone. To be a team and a family and to work together to be a living example of the Gospel. I didn't think we would have this much fun. 

It's been a really hard year. And it happened so fast. Things are different than they were a year ago, my expectations have changed, I have been humbled in ways I did not want to be and we have become a solid unit instead of two clueless kids. 

Whether you were there for the beginning or you're here at the end or if you've been riding this out with us all along- thanks for being a part of our first year. 

Now it's time for a brand new year. 

I love you Garrett LeVault.

With Love, 

Emily LeVault

P.S. It was mess day. Happy anniversary/welcome to my life as a youth ministers wife.